Turns out just when you begin to trust someone, they can surprise you and prove to you they’re exactly who your friends and family said that they were to begin with. I always wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, I always stuck up for him and said that there was good in him. There is “good” in almost everybody, but the truth is some people aren’t good people. It pains me to say it, because I truly do care about everyone. I am an eternal optimist. However, he is not a good person because a good person wouldn’t act in such a cruel manner.
When I tell you I did all I could do was to give the best of me, I did. Yeah, I wasn’t perfect, but who is? When you fall for someone, all reason goes out the window and all that’s left are feelings, feelings that you didn’t know you could feel for someone. I never knew I could feel that much so I guess I should thank him for that..making me feel. However, I will tell you this…no girl will ever, ever be as kind and as forgiving as I was to him and no girl will adore him more than I did. It hurts more than you could ever know and somehow I’ve managed to hold myself together. He definitely underestimated my strength and pretty much every aspect of my giving nature.
I may be stupid when it comes to love, but I am a strong woman and no one and I mean no one will ever break my spirit. If I fall down, I come back stronger than ever. How do I do it? I guess you could say it’s my friends and family, but I think it all comes back to love. For one thing, I know that there’s a guy out there who will love me just as much as I love him and who will treat me better than I ever could have imagined. Another reason is because my family and my best friends are my world and love me unconditionally and that is the glue that keeps me together.
Yeah he’s stupid. He gave up on the one person who stood there and waited for him, the one person who never gave up even when he did, the one person who accepted him just as he was, the one person who believed in him when he didn’t even believe in himself. I see all his flaws, the things he doesn’t want anyone else to see, and I didn’t run away. It’s funny how you think you could need someone so much, but really you don’t. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you. I have to write this out as much as it pains me to do so because what else can I do?
He and I will go our separate ways. I probably won’t ever see him again, but they say never say never. I am not hoping to run into him though because his part in my life is over. He doesn’t deserve to stay. I gave him numerous opportunities (he blew it), endless chances and waited for him to take them (he didn’t), and cared more than he could ever know (he didn’t). So the moral of the story is? I’m still trying to figure that out. He did teach me a few things though, like to never try to be what someone else wants you to be. He taught me to love without fear and he taught me I’m worth so much more than anything he could ever give me. I don’t wish bad things on him and I won’t be bitter, it’s not in my nature. I wish him the best this life has to offer. Why would I do such a thing? That’s a little something I’d like to call love. It all comes back to love..something I will always give freely and to some people my caring nature might be a fault, but it’s something I wouldn’t change for the world.
I am thankful for every experience in my life (the good and the bad) to bring me to where I am today. I like the person that I have turned out to be and love the people who have made me that way and continue to help me grow and shape me into a more caring, loving, ambitious individual. For example, my mom did a cycling event today for ovarian cancer. Her friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year I believe and it is currently in remission. We must always be grateful for little miracles and for heroes like my mom who would do anything to help others. I guess that’s where my caring nature comes from ;)
I have decided to do the event next year because I believe in helping others, no matter how small of a difference you might think it would make. So despite a broken heart, fears about graduation, endless amounts of work, and too much birthday cake from my best friend’s birthday, I am grateful. I am grateful for who I am, who I will become, and all that this life has to offer. Life is short, don’t let it pass you by. Love all those closest to you and with all your might and take comfort in knowing you’re not alone no matter what obstacle you have to face.