Musings.

Turns out just when you begin to trust someone, they can surprise you and prove to you they’re exactly who your friends and family said that they were to begin with.  I always wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, I always stuck up for him and said that there was good in him.  There is “good” in almost everybody, but the truth is some people aren’t good people. It pains me to say it, because I truly do care about everyone. I am an eternal optimist.  However, he is not a good person because a good person wouldn’t act in such a cruel manner.

When I tell you I did all I could do was to give the best of me, I did. Yeah, I wasn’t perfect, but who is? When you fall for someone, all reason goes out the window and all that’s left are feelings, feelings that you didn’t know you could feel for someone. I never knew I could feel that much so I guess I should thank him for that..making me feel. However, I will tell you this…no girl will ever, ever be as kind and as forgiving as I was to him and no girl will adore him more than I did. It hurts more than you could ever know and somehow I’ve managed to hold myself together. He definitely underestimated my strength and pretty much every aspect of my giving nature.

I may be stupid when it comes to love, but I am a strong woman and no one and I mean no one will ever break my spirit.  If I fall down, I come back stronger than ever. How do I do it? I guess you could say it’s my friends and family, but I think it all comes back to love. For one thing, I know that there’s a guy out there who will love me just as much as I love him and who will treat me better than I ever could have imagined.  Another reason is because my family and my best friends are my world and love me unconditionally and that is the glue that keeps me together.

Yeah he’s stupid.  He gave up on the one person who stood there and waited for him, the one person who never gave up even when he did, the one person who accepted him just as he was, the one person who believed in him when he didn’t even believe in himself. I see all his flaws, the things he doesn’t want anyone else to see, and I didn’t run away. It’s funny how you think you could need someone so much, but really you don’t. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you. I have to write this out as much as it pains me to do so because what else can I do?

He and I will go our separate ways.  I probably won’t ever see him again, but they say never say never. I am not hoping to run into him though because his part in my life is over. He doesn’t deserve to stay.  I gave him numerous opportunities (he blew it), endless chances and waited for him to take them (he didn’t), and cared more than he could ever know (he didn’t).  So the moral of the story is? I’m still trying to figure that out. He did teach me a few things though, like to never try to be what someone else wants you to be. He taught me to love without fear and he taught me I’m worth so much more than anything he could ever give me. I don’t wish bad things on him and I won’t be bitter, it’s not in my nature. I wish him the best this life has to offer. Why would I do such a thing? That’s a little something I’d like to call love. It all comes back to love..something I will always give freely and to some people my caring nature might be a fault, but it’s something I wouldn’t change for the world.

I am thankful for every experience in my life (the good and the bad) to bring me to where I am today. I like the person that I have turned out to be and love the people who have made me that way and continue to help me grow and shape me into a more caring, loving, ambitious individual.  For example, my mom did a cycling event today for ovarian cancer. Her friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year I believe and it is currently in remission.  We must always be grateful for little miracles and for heroes like my mom who would do anything to help others.  I guess that’s where my caring nature comes from ;)

I have decided to do the event next year because I believe in helping others, no matter how small of a difference you might think it would make.  So despite a broken heart, fears about graduation, endless amounts of work, and too much birthday cake from my best friend’s birthday, I am grateful. I am grateful for who I am, who I will become, and all that this life has to offer. Life is short, don’t let it pass you by. Love all those closest to you and with all your might and take comfort in knowing you’re not alone no matter what obstacle you have to face.

Spring has sprung…I’m back!

Ok so spring in Florida is h-o-t!! As in don’t bother doing your hair hot. As in if you do your hair, it’ll probably frizz and you’ll end up just putting in a ponytail anyway.  As in you sweat a boatload (ew!) so showering twice a day seems mandatory.  As in…I’m running out of analogies! haha Well, thank goodness I can ramble forever right? ;) Today, I wanted to share a little recipe for you.  Since I go to school in Florida’s capital and I was born in Miami, I might as well share with you a little recipe that everyone either seems to love or to hate.  Yup, you guessed it…KEY LIME PIE!!! Now I was part of the “I hate key lime pie” group because it was always always ALWAYS too tart!! There is a certain balance that has to be achieved.  I am a stickler about this kinda thing.  Why? A good pie is no joke.  A good key lime pie is serious business. A good key lime pie has NO meringue (cause meringue is ick!) and it has the perfect balance of sweet and tart.  How can you find this legendary pie? Well, you can buy one and throw it out after you decide it’s too tart. Or…you can make this!! :) 

Key Lime Pie (courtesy of my cousin Jordan)

please get yourself a glass pie plate

For the crust:  

1 package of honey graham crackers (that’s honey flavor people, NOT cinnamon) 

1 stick of melted butter (that’s butter! sorry you can’t cut corners with this recipe) 

1 teaspoon of brown sugar

For the Pie

6 egg yolks, blended well

2 cans of Eagle Brand condensed milk (look, I never said this pie was light…no cutting corners it’s an indulgence) 

1 cup of REAL KEY LIME JUICE (this is key!! ;) make sure the limes are tiny little yellow ones. those are key limes and you can only get em in florida but you can buy key lime juice at any supermarket) 

mix as you go along 

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees fahrenheit. 

2. Pour batter into crust. 

3. Bake six to seven minutes, or until it sets. 

4. Chill 2-3 hours. 

5. Whip together 8oz of heavy whipping cream with 2 tablespoons of sugar (or more to taste) and add ontop of pie. 

6. Devour and enter key lime pie heaven! :) 

Turning 22.

Holy crap, can’t believe I’m 22.  I honestly have been through a lot in the way of personal growth this year.  I am the person I want to be, I know who I am, but there is still so much I don’t know.  I feel like someone took all the thousands of pieces of a puzzle and threw em in the air and said “now go put it together as fast as you can.” Ok, but how? I am still figuring out what I want to do with my life and I don’t yet have a job.  I am still broken hearted…by Mr. Indecisive.  I guess he was decisive enough to decide he didn’t want to be with me. I think the hardest thing about broken hearts is a lack of closure.  There are so many questions unanswered and so many words left unspoken.

So how you gonna cope when there is no closure? Play on.-Carrie Underwood couldn’t have said it better. I guess that’s just the way it is sometimes, you can’t force someone to like you or to care.  I believe it is because I care about people so much that I expect them to care back just as much.  The world doesn’t work that way, but I will never lose my good faith in people and sense of optimism.  I will always be kind and gracious because it isn’t in my nature to be mean.  If I have to be mean, I don’t like it and I hate goodbyes more than anything else. Who even decided that “bye” is a good thing anyway? By the way, he didn’t even say goodbye.

I just had to vent. I don’t know that anyone knows this blog is in existence, but honestly, I did this for me. If anyone is reading this or this resonates with you in any way, hang in there. I know things will get better because I truly believe that they do.  You have to go through the hurt to find the man who’s worthy of your heart. He’s out there and I think maybe it’s not time for me to find him yet. So here’s a playlist of songs because music speaks better than I ever could.

  1. Cold As You- Taylor Swift (“And you come away with a great little story, of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you”)
  2. Songs Like This- Carrie Underwood (“And if it wasn’t for guys like you, there wouldn’t be songs like this. And if you hadn’t gone and done me wrong, I wouldn’t go off like this”)
  3. A Little Bit Stronger- Sara Evans (“And I’m done hopin’ we could work it out, I’m done with how it feels, spinnin’ my wheels, lettin’ you drag my heart around. And I’m done thinkin’ you could ever change, I know my heart will never be the same but I’m tellin’ myself I’ll be ok”)
  4. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend- Miranda Lambert (haha had to put this one because it’ll make you smile)
  5. Arizona- Hey Monday (“Tell me how does that feel with a Grand Canyon between me and you? Tell me how does that feel to see me with a goodbye?”)
  6. Should’ve Said No- Taylor Swift (“I can’t resist, before you go tell me this..was it worth it? Was she worth this?”)
  7. White Horse- Taylor Swift (“Cuz I’m not your princess, this ain’t our fairytale, I’m gunna find someone someday who might actually treat me well”)
  8. Konstantine- Something Corporate (“It’s to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car when the first star you see may not be a star, I’m not your star. Isn’t that what you said? What you thought the song meant?)
  9. You Won’t Find This- Carrie Underwood (“You can hold any girl that you like, fall in love when it’s easy at night, but you’ll wake up wonderin’ why she ain’t ever something better. When you’re lost and you’ve run out of road, find what I already know, in the end close is all there is, but you won’t find this.”)
  10. Our Last Night- Better Than Ezra (“Wasn’t it you who told me the sun would always chase the day?”)
  11. Promises, Promises- Incubus (“I’m on the road of least resistance, I’d rather give up than give into this. So promise me only one thing would you..just don’t ever make me promises, no promises.”)
  12. No Reins- Rascal Flatts (this whole song)
  13. Split Screen Sadness- John Mayer (“So I’ll check the weather wherever you are ‘cuz I wanna know if you can see the stars tonight, it might be my only right”)
  14. Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy
  15. Tell Me Why- Taylor Swift

Best Friends…everyone needs a Jaclyn.

My best friend Jaclyn and I met at a summer camp in Wisconsin when we were 14.  Damn time flies!! Well, when we first met each other, we did not like each other.  Jaclyn was tired from flying and not in such a talking mood and because I was nervous, I couldn’t stop talking.  She decided I was annoying and I decided she was stuck up.  Turns out we were roommates and all of a sudden (neither of us remembers how it happened) we were walkin’ around linking arms and were best friends by that night. Seriously. That is exactly what happened. We have been best friends ever since! 

In life, everyone needs a Jaclyn.  A friend like Jaclyn will always make you laugh, tell you you’re weird in a good way, laugh at stupid things with you, dress really well and give you great fashion advice, and never judge you no matter what you tell her.  You can tell her anything and you can trust her. She would never look at you differently and is a truly one of the kindest, most compassionate people I know.  She will also serenade you with songs from the movie version of Rent really loudly in the gym and her face will turn red and she’ll get embarrassed that she was singing that loud when you tell her about it.  Then, you’ll laugh really hard and start singing too (and maybe even throw in a few dance moves just to show everyone you’ve got swagg) because it’s what best friends do. 

P.S. Just told her about this blog today and that I was writing a post about her.  I’m gonna include some pics of Jaclyn and I through the years. I love you Betty!! 

sweet sixteen

 

16 and lunchin' somewhere in Omaha where they make their own root beer!!

nineteen when I went to visit her in Jacksonville..typical ;)

 

twenty one and not much has changed...this is the true definition of our friendship haha

 

My first post..presh!

Well, I was gonna start this blog yesterday but I got sidetracked.  Sorry bout that one!! So basically my life seems to be scattered kind of all over the place right now.  Sometimes, the only thing you can do is take a moment…and bake. When you do decide to bake, bake pumpkin muffins please.  They will just set the world right again and if they don’t, put on some Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift or whatever you like.  Then you’ll start to realize that the person who let you go (you might just call him idiot or Mr. Indecisive) is the one who is losing something, you’ve gained something else: the opportunity to find someone who will treat you right, who will give you the world, and who will remind you that you are his world.  So don’t give the world to someone who isn’t willing to give you the time of day, instead give the ones you love (yourself included) some delicious pumpkin muffins and seize the moment! ;)

My Grandy’s Pumpkin Muffins

Note: This is originally a pumpkin bread recipe, I am a huge fan of all things pumpkin and this recipe is no exception.

  • 3 1/3 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 2 tbs. baking soda
  • 1 tbs. baking powder
  • 3 c. sugar
  • 1 c. canola oil
  • 2/3 c. water
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 15 oz. can of pumpkin
  • vanilla (I don’t measure so anywhere from 1 tsp.-1 tbs., I probably used closer to 1 tbs.)
  • 1 tsp. cinnamon
  • a dash of nutmeg (I’m not a huge nutmeg fan, but it belongs in spice cakes and pumpkin dishes so just throw it in there if you like it. Or if you have an aversion to it like my momma does, leave it out.)
  • chocolate chips (pretty sure you use the 16 oz. bag, this recipe makes a lot!)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Then, beat together the eggs, sugar, and vanilla.  Next, add water and oil to egg mixture and beat together.  Add pumpkin, cinnamon, and nutmeg to egg mixture and beat together.  Gradually add the flour, baking soda, and baking powder. Fold in chocolate chips once all combined.  Put in muffin tins or loaf pans that you have sprayed with nonstick cooking spray (don’t forget to do this or it’ll stick and it just won’t be fun) and bake for about 30 minutes or until knife inserted in the center comes out clean.  Let cool for as long as you can without burning yourself and enjoy, because you are fabulous.